tired of feeling insecure

yup the title said it all

i actually did wondered whats its like to be someone who people look up to. whats its like to be an A+ student, whats its like to live a life where money just cant stop flowing, whats its like to be someone so pretty, whats its like to be someone who is respected and the list goes on.

because i am not done with myself. i am not done with my physical appearance and my inner personality. well yea im just about 150 cm high just imagine how the world is so big to me. no, petite is a better way to say it. lol sedapkan hati je. and im not that thin either. im not that brilliant, im not that keen, im not that kind, im not that good. 

yea in my new school, juniors are likely compulsory to give respect and salam and submit a little to their seniors. and for the love of god i am about to be the most senior of em all next year. and im still this tall. just imagine the awkwardness i have to face every single time a junior walks by me and does it . yea, ya`ll be like the heck am i crappin about, kan? its hard to explain what i really feel and i dont write to make sure you understand either. 

im not that brilliant and sometimes i wonder that much about whats its like to be someone whos good in every subject. i mean how life is easy that you dont have to be THAT worried of your results and you dont have to stay up late and burn the midnight oil for the examinations. then i started wishing im one of these people.

despite from wondering all these things i want to be, i observe these people i look up to. and not all of them actually have the personality i adore. like for instance, not all excellent students have good attitude. what im trying to portray is that these faction of people arent all mr. goody two shoes. there are SOME who boast about their extra capabilities and how high their knowledge are instead of sharing it. theyre sometimes so busy being proud of themselves that they forgot all of their special distinctions came from Allah and how Allah can pull it all off from them any time He demands .  

then i started to realize why Allah just doesnt grant me all those superiority because maybe He doesnt want me to be like those people. i am cognizant that with all my flaws, it actually made me a real rational person. with all my flaws that the list never ends, humility floods my inner personality and im grateful for that.

to actually count everything i have, i Should be grateful and thankful for what i own and the people i have in life. i have a great family, such fantastic parents, successful siblings, true companions, great friends, and the best gift ever, Islam. 

At the end of the day, i only forgot to say Alhamdulillah for whatever i am gifted with. 

Salam.