My current dilemma

Recently, I had a conversation with myself ( i simply feel better after doing this ) which was ;

" Do you think that missing someone`s presence is a choice? Because in certain situations, it can be a choice or it might turn out to be something that just flows with you like the wind. Its a natural  effect and feeling, don`t you think?"

" I dare say this, because I have tried to make myself busy for the past 3 months and the only reason I did that was to forget someone I have in mind. Believe it or not, it did not work ! I was not in contact with this person for quite some time, but this person is all that I have in mind no matter the time, regardless of what I do"

" I know I needed to forget this person because my thoughts of this person was really getting above my head and I just felt it was wrong plus, pointless "

(cont.)

But yes, still, my main question , " Is missing someone`s presence / actions is a form of choice? ". Do we really get to choose to miss someone or not? Like for example if we can`t seem to get someone out of our minds, is it what we choose to do? Even when we`re busy?

I simply believe that when I make myself busy, I would not have the time to think of things that are meaningless ex : feelings. Regrettably, I failed to ignore this feeling or thoughts that I have in mind for someone. Honestly, I really want to get this person out of my limbic system and refocus myself to what`s more important especially to get back on track with the religion that I practice.

 I have this piece of verse from the Quran that I always ponder ;

Well I had a little confusion so Huda helped me understand this verse and to simplify the story, she said that if Allah wills us to forget someone, then we will. If we can`t forget someone, then that`s because Allah does not will it. Wallahualam bissawab.

I had myself thinking and it became an afterthought to me that this could be either a good sign or a bad habit (if you get what I mean). It can be a good sign if I have tried everything and I mean almost my heart and soul to forget this person, but I can`t, then it has to mean something. It might as well be a bad habit if I have this person in every corner of my mind because He, The Almighty should be at the top of everything and by right, I should control my thoughts and emotions. 

(cont.)

" I hate missing someone. It makes me feel as if I`m the one yang terhegeh-hegeh rindu kat orang, tapi orang tu tak rindu balik pun. Macam, better kalau kita rindu dekat Rasulullah. Sebab rindu dekat Rasulullah dah lah dapat pahala, kalau selawat, boleh dapat syafaat pula. Rindu manusia, dapat apa? "

" Memang rindu manusia ni tak dapat apa-apa. Tapi pernah terfikir tak, when we lose someone, missing them is the only thing we have left to do. Even if its pain, we still hold on to it because that`s what they have left us with. Make sense, yes? " 

The thing I tell myself everytime I need to be strong and fight my nafs. Tapi, to come and think of it again, I feel like that this thing I`m feeling, is something very ordinary and that it can occur to everyone else. Sometimes, I do think that

( lagu Destiny`s Child )

ok tetiba. 

Tapi yeaaaaa, I`ve been trying my best to just ignore this feeling and buat tak reti je dengan who I think of everyday. Because really, I`ve also been thinking of this FAQ pointed out by a missionary, Pendakwah Cute on his blog which was 

" Is it him , or Him that is on your mind ? "

Conclusion is, I think that missing someone is a choice and at the same time is not.What I`m trying to say is that we can choose to miss someone by just the look of an old photograph or, we don`t choose to miss someone, but Allah is the one to let the feelings come through our soul. Either for a good reason or to test our Iman (both of good purposes) because Allah is simply the Almighty. 

 I`ve been struggling with myself for quite some time. Pray for me, yes? Thank you, heeeee.