It's getting out of control, my weight is getting back to the weight I forbade myself to reach. My RED ZONE weight! The last time I was this heavy was in 2012, when I was 15 :( I have to lose weight seriously.
I hate this feeling of heaviness, this load - fat that I have to carry unpleasantly around and my thighs, my arms, my feet feels so bloated ughhh this is so bad! This chubbiness on my face is too much I have to freaking slim down :(
Double chins!!!!!!!!!!
Worst enemy ever.
Collar bone,
gone.
(not that I want to show my collar bone to anyone, i'm a hijabi for crying out loud, but hey, it's nice to have a collar bone)
My beautiful rings don't fit my beautiful fingers anymore??
But mostly, my tummy. Holy crap :(
I have a friend who was an ex-gymnast and I remember very well that she would tell us that there's a simple indicator to know how we've gained weight and that we need to do something about it. That indicator is that if you stand straight, you look down to your feet and if your tummy blocks your view of your own to feet, GIRL U GOTTA START WORKIN' OUT.
I mean this indicator is kinda obvious, innit? But oh well, I never really thought of it until she told me and I've remembered it ever since. It has however been 6 years since the first time she told me that.
😩😩😩😩
Ughhh, i still remember those glorious days just a few months back when my gym buddies and I were so active and alive even though we were so busy with studies and everything :(((((((((( We felt so healthy and fit and productive.
Holy crap, productivity!!!
Gaining weight has certainly decrease my productivity over everything! I mean it is summer break, and I practically have nothing to do, but there are soooo many things that I could be doing but I feel so heavy and my self-esteem dropped all the way from 30th floor to the ground floor ???
I need to start working out, like for real. I have to start next week. God seriously help me out 😭 But wait, I need to help myself out before asking God to help me, right? I mean what is a prayer gonna do without effort?
Okay, that was randomly deep.
I kinda want to start playing basketball again. But I don't have a basketball. never mind, i'll buy it then haha. but i don't have anyone to play with, loner. its okay, I'm an independent woman, I can do this! I can jog in the morning and come back home, get my basket ball 🏀 and head to the court. Though I have to do this like early in the morning cause obviously, I don't expect anyone to be there super early… So I can have the whole court to myself and have no one judge this 4'9 kid playing this sport that's meant to be for taller people.
I will prove to you that I may be small, but I am MIGHTY!
lol what.
Oh how i wish i can just transfer my fat via a tube that would simply suck all the fats out and just throw it somewhere that's fat-disposeable (idk where ok). But I feel like the fat that I currently have is just water retention. Like this weight gaining is not just fat weight, it's more to water weight. But then honestly, I kinda think I'm just saying that to forgive myself when I shouldn't??? I should be so hard on myself honestly.
Diet…. is unbelievably hard when you're living with your parents. Well, at least for me. I mean,
mum cooks, i eat.
And no, I don't plan on moving out just to lose weight cause that's just nonsensical! And its not like I have the money fgs, i'm not even working. I'm just saying because I remember I lost 10 kilos when I went to boarding school over a period of 2 years and within 2 years, I regained that weight I loss.
Aggghhh.
Even after all that I've said, I'm still grateful that I'm alive, breathing, no illness, just getting a lot unhealthy.
But seriously tho. I have to lose weight.
Sincerely,
The 65 kilo Aireen.
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