What a beautiful date. Can't believe my post titled Blessed was written a year ago. Same old, same old, this is regarding my results. As shocked as I was with my AS results last year, I wasn't as surprised with my A2.
Not that I got an excellent grade, but I sure did got a better grade. I'll tell you the difference.
Getting an excellent grade means getting an A* or B at least because we're talking about A-Level Maths here. The fact that I got an E last time and managed to get it up to a D, is such an achievement for me. In fact, at this point, I'm just glad I got a D instead of another E.
I don't really want to talk about how much I've worked this year because in the end, I really don't think that is the whole point. I mean yea, you work better, you deserve better. But it's not always as easy as a pea with me. It doesn't always work like that for me and I've accepted that a long time ago. I remember working "harder and smarter", got myself into thinking I'd deserve better for the amount of work I've put in and later find out that I failed, miserably.
But I'm not gonna lie, I sort of expected to get what I got. Not because I didn't work as hard as the previous year, but I really did remember how well or unwell was each and every single paper I did for Maths. Alhamdulillah, honestly, I'm eternally grateful for getting Bs on my Core 1 (C1) and Core 2 (C2) because that was my main support as I flopped A2.
Talk about being eternally grateful... another thing that I'm eternally grateful for is the opportunity that was given to me by my Maths teacher, Ms Ng. Besides the fact that Allah has put me in this position, I think it's so important to give her the recognition that she deserves because it was also because of her that I managed to continue on with my Maths because if I didn't, I really had no other subject to turn to and no other time to spare for. So may Allah bless you Ms Ng. JazakAllahu kheiran.
I've learnt so much that I know even with the grade that I have achieved, I've grown wiser over choosing what's best for me and what I want. Spiritually I became more concerned for myself because I know faith is just something that I really hold on to and is definitely a rope that I don't want to be cut off from forever. InshaAllah.
I've learnt that just because I'm not as good as everyone else in the classroom, I need to be aware that I am as good as them for the things that they are missing on. I salute those who not only has the brain, but also has the heart. Because it is actually so hard to find someone who has them both, because whenever I find someone that has either one of it... it's just.. never enough.
But I have to stress the fact that people who has the heart instead of just the brain itself, always win. I've witnessed too many things to prove to you of that statement I emphasized on. I wouldn't say I have both or I have the heart nor do I have the brain as I am not that kind of a person nor am I that smart of a student. But effort, ethics and bloody consistency will always top on. I just don't see the point of being smart but rude.
Excellent but selfish.
Genius but inhumane.
Independent but arrogant.
Because in the end, having just the brain will never suffice someone. It will only continue to kill them bit by bit if they are too obsessed with being the only Mr/Mrs Know It All.
Damn, I really don't know what my point is here. This post really is my 3 am thoughts before flying off to Italy in approximately 17 hours.
Anyway... regardless of what I got for my Maths, I really am just proud of myself that I actually, freaking, did and made it to finish A-Level Maths. I did A-Level Maths. The hardest thing I could ever do to myself and the only subject that when I tell strangers of how I feel about doing it, they would ask,
"Why the in the world, would you do that to yourself?"
I'm glad it's over and it's undeniable of how heck of a ride it was to me.
I need to note that this means nothing, but a whole new beginning. 😟
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